Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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