I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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