As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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