then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
