none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
