Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
