I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize