It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
