guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
