Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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