We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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