You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
