Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
