Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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