He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
