the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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