take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
