farters have to be the big spoon...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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