Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
