she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
