The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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