if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
