the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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