Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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