im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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