Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
