so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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