So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
