Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize