Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize