Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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