She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
