so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
