How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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