I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
