Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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