I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
