Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
