i was rollin on her like bob the builder
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
