I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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