you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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