also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
