YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize