I wannas sexs uuuuu
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
