I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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