You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
