i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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