I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're like the curious george of whores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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