from now on my penis is your penis
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
