The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
