what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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