what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
