I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
