Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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