we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
