My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
birth control should be required to get into college
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
