Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
