Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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