Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize