i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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