I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do herpes really smell.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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