The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
