so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
